The Day I Gave Myself Permission to Receive
There was a moment I’ll never forget. I was standing in my kitchen, overwhelmed by praise from a client who had just had a major breakthrough. And instead of feeling joy, I felt numb. A voice in my head whispered, “Don’t get comfortable. You’ve still got more to prove.”
Sound familiar?
For years, I was the giver. The strong one. The resource. The fixer. I was celebrated for being independent, self-sufficient, and "low maintenance." But behind that label was a nervous system that never got to rest.
Why we struggle to receive
Receiving sounds simple. But it isn’t easy.
To receive fully is to say -
I am worth the compliment.
I deserve the support.
I allow the joy.
I let the pause in.
Neuroscience tells us that high performers often operate in a constant state of sympathetic activation (fight or flight). We become wired to give, solve, and strive, and receiving feels foreign. Even threatening.
A study published in Biological Psychology found that prolonged sympathetic nervous system activation impairs recovery, reduces self-regulation, and leads to emotional depletion. In short, always giving without receiving damages our performance in the long term.
But here’s the truth - Rest is not the opposite of success. It is the gateway to sustainable success.
The invisible cost of high standards
Many high performers hold themselves to excellence. But here’s the catch: the higher the standard, the heavier the fear of falling.
When you're known for being exceptional, even a minor slip can feel like a failure. And the pressure to maintain that standard becomes its own emotional cage.
It's like walking a tightrope with no safety net. You can’t rest. You can’t wobble. And you certainly can’t ask for help.
The fear isn’t just of failing. It’s of being seen as less than what people expect.
The unreturned suitcase
Imagine you’ve been carrying a suitcase for years. At first, it was manageable. But over time, people started adding things to it, expectations, praise, roles, responsibilities. Now, it’s too heavy to carry alone.
But here’s the twist - every time someone offers to help, you smile and say, “No thank you, I’ve got it.”
Eventually, the weight isn't proof of strength. It’s a symbol of silence.
Learning to receive is like finally unzipping that suitcase, letting someone else carry it for a while, and realising you were never meant to do it alone.
The shift
That day, instead of brushing off the compliment, I paused. I placed my hand on my chest and simply said, “Thank you.” Not because I felt fully deserving, but because I was learning to feel safe being seen.
That small moment rewired something deeper than any affirmation ever had.
It was the beginning of a new leadership practice. One rooted in emotional intelligence, not constant output. One that includes:
Receiving feedback without panic
Receiving rest without pressure
Receiving joy without justification
Your invitation
If you’ve been running on empty while holding it all together, consider this your permission slip.
Let someone carry the bag. Let the compliment land. Let your body breathe. Let the support in.
We teach emotional capacity as a performance skill inside our Beyond Limits community, because it’s time to stop leading on fumes.
Join us at the next Wednesday Wisdom session or explore the Beyond Limits community to connect with others on this same journey - https://linktr.ee/MariaLFuentes
For those seeking actionable solutions to give yourself permission to slow down, receive, and reconnect with your true needs, click the button below!
Remember, acknowledging the problem is the first step towards finding a solution.
If however, you need further help, do not doubt to reach out.
We're all ears!
What burning questions or areas of personal or professional development would you like us to address in future posts?
About the Author
Maria Fuentes is an author, renowned Breakthrough Coach, and Performance Strategist with a finance and management background, committed to helping professionals achieve peak performance in their personal and professional lives. With a tailored approach centred on emotional intelligence and leadership development, she has over a decade of experience empowering individuals to reach their full potential.
In addition to group workshops, Maria Fuentes offers one-to-one coaching sessions to provide personalised guidance and support. Through her consultancy firm, Maria Fuentes Breakthrough Coaching, she designs customised coaching programmes that foster growth, resilience, and emotional intelligence in leaders. Working closely with her clients, Maria Fuentes creates a supportive environment that encourages self-discovery, skill development, and the achievement of ambitious goals.
Maria Fuentes