Learn How to Be a Good Giver But Also a Good Receiver
You give freely. You show up. You care deeply.
But when the tables turn, when someone wants to pay you well, support you, or simply help, you flinch. You deflect compliments. You downplay your needs. You hesitate to charge what your work is worth.
You are excellent at giving. But receiving? That’s where things fall apart.
It’s not selfishness that gets in the way. It’s conditioning.
From childhood, you were probably taught that it’s better to give than to receive. That modesty matters. That asking makes you needy. That need makes you weak.
So even as an adult, you over-function. You over-deliver. You quietly hope that if you give enough, life will reward you. Yet somehow, it never quite works that way.
The Invisible Beliefs That Keep You Stuck
Researchers at the University of California found that people who struggle with receiving help often carry deeply ingrained beliefs about independence and self-worth. These beliefs create internal friction when support is offered, leading to stress and diminished well-being.
You may not say it out loud, but deep inside, the scripts are running:
“If I receive too much, I’m taking advantage.”
“If I charge more, I’m greedy.”
“If I accept help, I must be failing.”
These are not just thoughts. They are rules. Rules you didn’t choose, but still obey.
And they make your life harder than it needs to be.
The Overflowing Cup
Picture your generosity like a cup of water. Full and free-flowing.
But if you never refill it, if you refuse to let anyone pour into you, the cup runs dry. Giving becomes draining. Resentment creeps in. You start to feel invisible, even though you’re always the first to show up.
You cannot pour endlessly from an empty cup. And you shouldn’t have to.
To be a great giver, you must also learn to receive. Not as a favour. But as a flow.
What We Can Learn From Clara Barton
Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, was one of history’s most tireless givers. She saved lives, organised disaster relief and built a humanitarian institution that still stands today.
But her story also reveals the cost of chronic over-giving.
Barton refused to pay for much of her work, even when it was offered. She worked herself to exhaustion, suffered a nervous breakdown, and was nearly ousted from her own organisation due to poor delegation.
Why? Because she believed that true service meant self-denial. That real value came from sacrifice.
In the end, her refusal to receive rest, support, and fair pay became the very thing that nearly undid her legacy.
She changed the world. But it cost her dearly.
Four Hidden Costs of Not Receiving
Under-pricing Your Work
If you can’t receive praise or payment with ease, you’ll always undercharge. You’ll call it “accessibility” or “generosity” when really it’s a fear of being seen as too much.
Resentment and Burnout
When you give endlessly and receive little in return, it chips away at your joy. You become quietly bitter, even if you still smile on the surface.
Lost Opportunities
Help comes. Support appears. But you say, “I’ve got it.” You miss out on the very scaffolding that could hold your dreams higher.
Damaged Relationships
People want to give back to you. When you don’t allow it, they feel useless. One-sided generosity is noble in stories but painful in life.
How to Practise Receiving Without Guilt
Treat Receiving as Completion, Not Charity
Receiving is not taking. It is part of a natural loop. If you break the loop, generosity dies in the process.
Let Praise Land
When someone compliments you, stop correcting them. Say thank you. Feel it. Let it sink in.
Charge for the Transformation
Price your work based on the impact it creates, not the discomfort you feel asking. Money is not the measure of your worth, but it is part of the exchange.
Ask for Help Before You’re Drowning
You do not need to collapse to justify support. Strong people ask early. Not because they’re weak, but because they want to stay strong.
The Story of Nisha
Nisha was a leadership coach with a reputation for warmth and wisdom. Her clients adored her. But she charged less than market rate, worked overtime, and refused to hire help.
She told herself she was just being “accessible.” But truthfully, she was terrified of appearing selfish.
Her shift came after she broke her ankle and couldn’t run her own sessions. She was forced to accept help, raise her rates and build a small team. The world didn’t end. Her business grew. Her clients respected her more. And most importantly, she felt seen, not just useful.
Now she still gives, but from a place of strength, not survival.
Let Yourself Receive
Being a good receiver does not make you selfish. It makes you strong.
You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to charge what your work is worth.
You are allowed to rest before collapsing.
Giving is a beautiful thing. But giving without receiving is not generosity. It’s erosion.
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About the Author
Maria Fuentes is an author, renowned Breakthrough Coach, and Performance Strategist with a finance and management background, committed to helping professionals achieve peak performance in their personal and professional lives. With a tailored approach centred on emotional intelligence and leadership development, she has over a decade of experience empowering individuals to reach their full potential.
In addition to group workshops, Maria Fuentes offers one-to-one coaching sessions to provide personalised guidance and support. Through her consultancy firm, Maria Fuentes Breakthrough Coaching, she designs customised coaching programmes that foster growth, resilience, and emotional intelligence in leaders. Working closely with her clients, Maria Fuentes creates a supportive environment that encourages self-discovery, skill development, and the achievement of ambitious goals.
Maria Fuentes